fortygirl

FortyGirl…that’s me! This blog is about a Christian wife, mother and educator who is working on being a better person. This is my very own personal self-improvement journey! I will share my successes, situations (so much better than saying challenges), and any other funny or serious issues that will come up along the way. I am an educator who absolutely believes we MUST be life-long learners…that is what keeps us young! So, the journey begins…here we go….

Life changer…

Monday I am having surgery. A total abdominal hysterectomy to be exact. I have researched, not necessarily  a great idea I might add. I have had much discussion with my fabulous doctor. She took time to discuss my options, why this was the right procedure to have, truly cared about my decision, and my comfort and understanding of the procedure. At the end of the day though, all my doctor had to say to me to truly get me to understand the seriousness was…without this procedure Cancer is coming your way. UMMMM…the “C” word is not an option. I am sure anyone can understand that! I have a six-year-old son and my need to be present for his life is a priority, as is being a wife to my husband. So, accepting the total hysterectomy was agreed upon.

The surgery date has been set…this Monday…again logically I “get it”, but emotionally, as a woman, I am struggling. There is just something bizarre about having my reproductive organs removed, it is final, there is no going back. Now, my reproductive organs have been an issue of discomfort for me since I was ten years old, yes, ten. I have struggled with infertility, monthly discomfort, the list goes on and on. I have had atypical uterine cells, MRI mammograms every six months…so, you get the picture. Still I have cried and struggled with this upcoming surgery. Now, I know in my core that it is the right decision, that I will feel better than ever…eventually, but this time leading up to the surgery seems to have my anxiety at an all time high.

My doctor is a believer in balancing holistic health with modern medicine, so she is all about the bioidentical hormones…so glad! She has created a hormone specifically for me. Knowing this has helped, because the last thing I want is to be thrown into menopause, followed by no desire for belly button time with my hubby…that is not an option either. 😀 So, I am two days out from my surgery. I know it is what I need to do, but I guess fear of the unknown…the after the surgery, has me so concerned. Oh, and did I mention a six-week recovery? Wow! Laying around, taking it easy for six-weeks? I am thinking the healing process needs to take about three weeks…I think that is all I am mentally going to be able to stand. I have a feeling that is all my family is going to be able to stand too 😃. I am just not used to sitting idle! Oh well, doctor’s orders, right?

Well, I have prayed, because I know God is with me throughout this entire process…daily as a matter of fact. My faith is so important. How can anyone not have faith? I get so much comfort knowing at anytime I can pray to God and he is there for me…Whew! So glad!

Well, another chapter, another experience, another journey in my life begins…onward with prayers…here I go! Oh, by the way, did I mention six weeks? Uh oh! Prayers, for sure!

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Reflection…

It has been a while since I have written…I am sitting here on my couch reflecting on a lot of things. Isn’t it interesting how time alone also gives us time to think. Now, sometimes this can be good and bad, right? Well, I am preparing for an upcoming surgery. One that l hope is going to make me feel better, but anytime you are going to have a major procedure  I would imagine your reflection gets a little more intense. I have had minor procedures before, but nothing major. Needless to say…I am nervous. I have prayed and know that God is with me, and I truly believe in my heart that all will be well.

That being said, as I sit and reflect I think about myself as a wife and a mother, daughter, friend, aunt, sister, boss, educator, the list goes on. I need to focus on the positive more, be a more attentive wife, relax more as a mother, work on patience and sensitivity as a leader. This reflection thing really can be intense!

I also am thinking about my blessings. I am healthy, and on my way to continuing to be healthy after this surgery, I am blessed with a wonderful husband, beautiful son, amazing job, loving parents, etc. I truly have so much to be thankful for, which is why I am sensitive now leading up to this surgery…I guess why I am worried. I truly want all to go well, so that I have time to be a better person, contribute more, be more appreciative, laugh more. Each day matters, and cannot be taken for granted. Again, I am a little melancholy today, with a heightened anxiety level as the days count down to my surgery, but regardless, reflection today has been good. It reminds me that each day can be a day in which you make a difference…negative or positive…I am aiming for more positive.

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